Are You Living or Dying for Love?
After almost a year of creeping, my friend Sam finally admitted she’d been secretly dating the delivery guy. Sam, a scientist with a PhD in Engineering from a prestigious university, no less, stumbled into John when he showed up to deliver her furniture. He delivered the furniture quite alright, and a whole lot more too – a steamy love affair. But how enriching or fulfilling could this relationship possibly be, if it’s shrouded in secrecy?
I confronted Sam–accusing her blatantly of being ashamed of her DeliveryLove or what else would you call him? She vehemently denied my accusations and famously declared her new ethos on life – “Love Freely”. Ok, whatever. Over the course of several days, I pressed the issue, asking provocative, in-your-face questions. For example, I wanted to know who paid for dinner dates. Was my boushy friend still dinning at Nobu (the famed upscale TriBeCa-NYC Japanese restaurant), had she traded down to Chipotle or was MickeyD’s in full play?. Were the Hamptons still in season next summer, or would a walk in Central Park (aka staycation) do? Sam had vague responses at best, but mostly just shrugged her shoulders. She says she’s in love, I say she’s in denial! But of what?
After all, what does matter in a relationship? Sam swears that John treats her right, and that they get along. She seemed quite happy as she eloquently elevated her relationship to martyrdom, I was almost deceived. When we talk about John, her eyes glaze over, there is an inept ability to engage, to make eye contact, to show presence. It’s like she’s talking to me but she’s not there; she’s happy, but not joyful. In a desperate attempt to crack the code, I asked the unthinkable–I asked to meet John. Again, her countenance changed, shifting her eyes away, she meekly said “not now” to which I replied “when?” I never did meet him.
Is it wrong to date the delivery guy? Absolutely not! However, if you can’t show him off or if you must keep him in the closet, why are you with him? None of this would have mattered if Sam hadn’t lived so richly in style and with fervor. Sam is a text book example of a woman that denies herself the fabulous grandeurs of life, for a self-imposed pious calling. Sam, desperate to prove to John that she had no need for worldly goods and that he was indeed Nirvana, chose to deny herself, what I call New York’s basic life essentials – a weekend brunch, a summer house in the Hampton’s, Prada on 5th and a $5-dollar NYC Latte. Worse still, she commits the cardinal sin when she denies herself a slice of heaven – Red velvet cake from Cake Man Raven in Brooklyn. You shouldn’t have to stop living to love!
And whatever happened to her ethos “Loving Freely”? There was nothing free about John; Indeed, he was an emotional drain. It’s clear to me, that in as much as John did not dissuade Sam, then he passively encouraged her to adopt his frugal lifestyle or comedown to his level, if you will. In hiding her relationship with John and denying herself all of New York City’s essentials, Sam was dying a slow and crippling death. Are you living or dying for love?
photo by Elizabeth MessinaXoxo Flow Eezy, Flow with love [divider] Single in the City is a weekly feature exploring the random musings and weekly escapades of a single black girl in the city. Call me Flow Eezy, an eternal hopeful, a perpetual believer that maybe, just maybe, I could meet that guy: Smart, funny, articulate and principled. I wonder if I am a member of a dying breed, in this age of the booty call. As we meander through these post-recessionary times, one thing is clear; dating in New York is hard. And harder when you have values, never mind morals. But I am holding out! I’m not perfect, far from it… [divider] [fancy_link link=”http://www.munaluchibridal.com/category/single-in-the-city/” variation=”teal” target=”blank”]Previous “Single in the City” posts…[/fancy_link] [divider]