Some women find that their fiancés are very engaged in the wedding planning process. These grooms- to-be want a say in everything from the color-scheme of the wedding, to the food choices, to the DJ. Some grooms want to even dictate what the bride should wear! On the opposite end, there are men whose participation in the wedding planning process stops with the purchase of the wedding ring. They may appear to care less about the planning of the wedding; they just want to show up and have fun. I believe most grooms fall somewhere in the middle. If you are looking for ways to get your groom more involved in the wedding planning process here are some tips:
1) Stop being a control freak: Some men want to participate in the wedding planning process, but the bride-to-be will not allow it. Either she shuts down all of his ideas, or she does not trust the groom to get things done. Look at your extensive wedding planning checklist, and highlight things that you know your fiancé can handle, or show him the list and ask him what he wants to do. If he says he can get the DJ, but he doesn’t care about flowers and design, you don’t have to drag him to a design meeting. Take a bridesmaid instead. Start off with a simple to-do list. For example, allow him to create his guest list, and have him research places to get a tuxedo. But, let him know early on that you want this to be a shared process and his input matters.
2) Ask your husband what he has liked about weddings he has attended: Some men will say they have no knowledge about weddings, but if they have attended a wedding they do have knowledge. Make your groom more comfortable by simply posing the question, “What have you liked and not liked about the weddings you have gone to?” and allow some of his responses to guide your decisions. While we were dating, I found out my husband had attended more weddings than me, and I realized he had some really awesome insights. I relied on his firsthand knowledge to help us plan our wedding.
3) Find a way to incorporate your finance’s talents into the wedding: Giving your fiancé an opportunity to share his talent in your wedding may invest him more in the wedding planning process. If you husband is good at carpentry, allow him to build something you can use in the wedding. If he is into music, allow him to come up with the playlist for the DJ. If he paints or draws, display his art during cocktail hour. Is your partner great at spoken word or poetry? Suggest that the two of you write your vows so he can share his skills; you can place his work in your wedding program or allow him to share a poem during the reception. In the video below the bride’s husband is a singer/songwriter, and he sang a song he wrote about her during their vows. Too cute!
4) Let him choose the menu: All men love to eat! Encourage your fiancé to come to your food and cake tastings and allow him to pick the menu for the wedding. If your husband enjoys libations, allow him to create signature drinks for your cocktail hour and let him make the decisions about your bar.
5) Allow him to register for things he wants: Many couples are moving away from traditional registries. If you husband is into home improvement, why not register at Home Depot or Lowes. If you husband likes to cook, put a grill on the registry. If he is into gamming allow him to put some video games or a gamming system on the list.
6) Allow your husband to take care of transportation: If you husband is into cars, he should love looking at vintage rides you can use for your wedding day.
7) Let him choose the groomsmen’s fashion: Some brides want to control all aspects of the wedding party’s attire. However, if your groom is into fashion allow him to be in charge of picking the groomsmen’s tuxedos or suits.
8) Let him help with the budget: This may be a scary concept for some brides. : ) If your man is good with money and enjoys creating Excel spreadsheets, why not let him help keep track of what you are spending. Groom’s usually bring a sense of realism when you are making wedding budget decisions, so including your fiancé in the process might help you make better financial choices.
9) Allow your groom to incorporate his personality into the wedding: In most weddings the only homage to the groom is shown through the groom’s cake. However, think of other ways you can include some of your groom’s favorite things. Maybe allow the cocktail hour decorations to be themed around your groom’s favorite sports team, fraternity or superhero. The decorations do not have to be literal, but you could incorporate aspects of your fiancé’s favorite sports team through color scheme choices. This groom loved Batman, and they had Batman bogo lighting during their reception.
10) Do not make all of your conversations about the wedding: If all you do is talk about the wedding 24/7 it will probably drive your fiancé and everyone around you crazy. Dedicate one day a week to sitting down with your fiancé and going over what needs to be done with the wedding. If you need to check up during the week try to limit the convos to 15-30 minutes. Make sure you continue to go out and have fun. Even if you are broke due to wedding bills, there are still free things you can do as a couple, such as walking in the park. : ) Even though planning a wedding can be stressful, you don’t ever want to lose sight of the fun things that made you fall in love with that person in the first place.