After your beloved “pops the question,” you will want to share your excitement and joy with everyone. If you are a social media addict like me, you can’t wait to change your status on Facebook from “In a Relationship” to “Engaged”! One of the first things you begin to think of is: “Who do we want to invite to the wedding?” Well, if you have shared your engagement with the world, you may now have a big problem: everyone wants to come to your wedding. Even people you are not close to or friends you haven’t spoken to in years.
You may get emails and text messages that are somewhat polite, but still misguided, such as, “Hey I am so happy for you. Can’t wait to be there at the wedding.” Uhh, hold up. Who said you were invited. Then you may get some very rude messages like, “Hey, where is my invite?” Umm, so I haven’t talked to you in years and you don’t even ask how I am doing before inviting yourself to my wedding. Incredible!
Once you get over that everyone you’ve met may expect an invite, you sit down with your fiancé and create a list of people you would like to invite. Now I believe a wedding should be a reflection of your personality, values and BUDGET. If you want to have a small, backyard wedding…do it! If you want to elope, great! If you want to invite 400 people and you can afford to do so, wonderful! Just keep in mind, one of the easiest ways to keep your budget down is to have a smaller guest list and only invite people you feel close to. So choose your guest list wisely.
But don’t expect the drama to end there. Once you send out the invites, you may have some surprise RSVPs. Invitation etiquette says that you are only supposed to RSVP for the names that are on the invitation. However, you will have guests who are totally unaware of this or who will just absolutely ignore it. Then you will have people who RSVP and do not show up. Weddings can cost from $30 to $1,000s of dollars per person, and that is a lot of money wasted. So here are my tips for keeping a tight guest list:
1) Only invite your current friends. Again, you do not need to invite everyone you are “friendly” with. If I liked someone, but I hadn’t talked to them in over a year, they were off of the list. Also don’t feel obligated to invite co-workers, unless they are your friends. Invite only the people you can afford to have. When those guests don’t RSVP that is just extra money in your pocket. Trust me, when those wedding bills start rolling in, you and fiancé will “Hi-Five” each other every time you get a “decline with regrets” card. (Just being honest!)
2) Be strict about “Plus ones.” Some single people will try to bring their friends, or that girl that they met at the club last week. For you it may not even be a money issue, you might not want a bunch of people you do not know at the wedding. The general rule is that you must invite any significant others who live together or who have been a known couple for a long time. However, let your friends know that if they are not in a serious relationship, they will not be allowed a guest. Trust me they will get over it! Sit them at a table with people they know or people who like to have fun and they will enjoy themselves anyway.
3) Be strict with your parents about who they can invite. Your parents will be happy for you and they may want everyone to be there for your “Big Day.” But that might result in them inviting their friends and distant relatives who you do not know or talk to. So give your parents a set number of people to invite or let them send you their list, edit it and choose people from their list who YOU actually feel close to.
4) Send a reply card with the number of guests already filled out. This will deter people from RSVPing for 8 guests (which really did happen to someone I know).
5) Have an adult only wedding. We all love kids, but if all of your guests are allowed to bring their children it may increase the cost of your wedding dramatically. If you are worried about guests not being able to come, hire a babysitting service to watch their children. Elegant Event Sitters is an excellent example of one such service. I even know one bride that rented a hotel room at her venue for her guests’ kids, and her bridesmaids took turns watching them during the reception. Now that is love!
6) Use an RSVP service. You will need to have an accurate final guest count for your vendors in the weeks leading to your wedding. Reply cards may get lost in the mail, or people may lose them. Many RSVP services provide your guests with a number to call in their RSVP and a website so your guests can RSVP online. Two of my favorites are RSVP Services and RSVP Etc. You give them an official wedding list, and they will make that uncomfortable call to your guests who have RSVPed for too many people.
7) Have a destination wedding. Only those who really feel close to you will save the money to come. However, you may still want to have it somewhere close like Mexico, or at an island that does not require a passport like Puerto Rico or the U.S. Virgin Islands.
8) Keep it real. You do not want to go into your marriage broke or in debt. When people invite themselves to your wedding or RSVP for too many people be honest. You can tell them that you appreciate their support and excitement, but due to the fact that you are on budget, you have a tight guest list. People who really support your union will understand.
These should be made into guest list commandments!